So, here it is: the obligatory Valentine’s-Day-is-looming-so-I’m-going-to-write-about-love post. It’s probably a little different than the heart-warming tales of true love you’ll find scattered around the blogosphere, but I promise not to be one of those sullen singles who would rather undergo a spinal tap than acknowledge that true love really is great. It is. But, in my opinion, no amount of endorphins and effort can make your love last in a truly satisfying way if you haven’t taken the words of a certain Russian writer to heart (despite her penchant for amphetamine and married lovers).
I swear by my life, and my love of it, that I will never live for the sake of another man, nor ask another man to live for mine.
When we think of love gurus and relationship experts, Ayn Rand probably doesn’t come to mind.
Whatever your opinion of Atlas Shrugged and Objectivism, I believe that you aren’t capable of truly loving someone else until you love, and live for, yourself. Until you do, you’ll constantly battle with the lingering self-doubt that you (yes, YOU) could indeed be worthy of another person’s love and affection.
You can not, and will not, lead a fulfilling life if you’re always willing to subordinate your desires and values to those of another. You must be cognizant of your own purpose; your aim; your desired ends before you create a life with someone else.
Until you live for your own sake, it becomes all too easy to fall into the role of a caretaker; helping your significant other achieve his or her goals and objectives while putting your own on hold. And there they’re likely to remain, until at some point in your relationship you realize how unfulfilled you are–and you’re faced with accepting the status quo or suddenly explaining to your partner that you’re unhappy because you’ve been pouring all of your energy into their wants and needs. Neither scenario is appealing.
I understand that it takes time to figure out what we’re living for. It’s a process–no one rolls out of bed one day to realize they’ve somehow achieved self-actualization overnight. But, I believe that until you have a well-developed sense of self, and the strength to say no when you believe another’s ends don’t justify the means, the relationship you’re in is a ticking time bomb.
If you’re the person in a relationship that expects your wants and needs to take priority every time, all the time….well, best of luck to you. Chances are you’re on the fast track to losing one lover and taking two new ones named Ben & Jerry.
