A few weeks ago, the weekly #u30pro Twitter chat dealt with how to ask for help at work.  I doled out my two cents on the subject without a moment’s hesitation – I’ve never had a problem going to others for their advice when it comes to tackling issues of a non-personal nature.  Since that discussion, I’ve been thinking more about the importance of asking for help…not in the workplace, but in our every day lives.

It’s hard to believe it now, but I completely lost my sense of self during part of my last two years of college.  Feeling largely apathetic, I existed in a constant state of low-grade melancholy.  I retreated from the company of those who had been my closest friends and lost interest in the activities that had been my passions outside of school.  At one point,  I couldn’t even manage to sit down and read a book without feeling restless and distracted.  I did only what I had to do to succeed in school, and my social life went from thriving to virtually non-existent.

My family has a strong history of depression. Though the warning signs seemed obvious, I refused to acknowledge that it could be the culprit; I blamed it on stress, on disliking the alcohol-centric social environment at the UW, on the pressures of school…anything but *gasp* a mental illness.

A 2008 study by the American College Health Association found that 1 in 3 undergraduates had felt “so depressed it was difficult to function” at least once during the previous year.  By the time they reach age 24, 1 in 4 young adults will have experienced a depressive episode.  According to a 2005 study published in the Annals of Family Medicine, “depression during this critical period may increase the likelihood of substance abuse, impair work and relationship function, and negatively influence an individual’s subsequent development,” but “fewer than 20% of young adults with depression receive high-quality care.”

After months of existing as a mere shell of a human being, I knew I needed to ask for help.  I saw my doctor and discussed the changes in my affect.  He recommended that I see a therapist and consider taking an antidepressant (an idea I had previously been strongly opposed to).  I was tired of feeling so empty, and set up an appointment with a counselor through the university.  I came to terms with the fact that I truly needed some outside support; unfortunately, the same doesn’t hold true for many other young people.  In a study of nearly 11,000 16 to 29 year-olds who had positive screening results for depression, 26% stated they refused to accept the diagnosis.  The reasons for refusal?  Many disagreed with the idea that medications are effective in treating depression, while others admitted they would be embarrassed if their friends found out.

After a several weeks of therapy, self-reflection, and a low dose of an anti-depressant, I began emerging from the tunnel.  I started to reconnect with my friends and explained what I had been going through, and contrary to what I had been so convinced of, not a single one judged me or treated me any differently.  They simply said they had missed the “old Ellen” and were glad I had done what I needed to do.

They now know that if they’re ever struggling or need someone to talk to, they can rely on me.  I’ve been there, and I wouldn’t wish for anyone to tackle depression feeling alone and ashamed.

I’ve seen far too many 20-somethings try to drown their sorrows in a bottle of Grey Goose or a case of Beast Light…those who insist “everything is fine” but inevitably end up in tears after closing time is called.  While books like Prozac Nation stigmatize the use of antidepressants and claim we’re turning into a horde of pharmaceutically-numbed zombies, getting help for depression isn’t as simple as having a prescription filled.

Battling depression requires a willingness to acknowledge that you can’t continue to go on the way you have been.  Coming to terms with that, and realizing that it’s not a flaw or a poor reflection of you as a human being, is much easier said that done.  It simply is what it is; you do what you need to do to get back to the life you deserve to be living.

If you’re struggling with depression and you’re still in school, check out your university’s counseling services.  For those of you in the work force, see if your employer offers an Employee Assistance Programs that can provide some direction.  There’s absolutely nothing wrong with seeing a therapist; if anything, it speaks volumes about your determination to acknowledge your personal demons and banish them.  For some, it may be as simple as figuring out what triggers the onset of a depressive episode and developing some coping strategies (e.g., exercising regularly, getting enough sleep, etc.).  If you opt for medication as part of your treatment, it’s nothing to be embarrassed about.  You’re not alone. Don’t look to pills as a quick-fix – remember that they’re part of the process of getting well.

While we demand frank discussions about reproductive and sexual health, we largely ignore depression and the like because they hit too close to home.  It’s shameful that we’re perfectly comfortable discussing the anatomical features of Lady Gaga but would rather eat lead paint chips than acknowledge any kind of personal mental health issue.

Mental health is our generation’s elephant in the room.  It’s time we stop ignoring it.

I discovered The Art of Manliness when a friend sent me their guide to getting a manly haircut a la Mad Men.  Their mission?  Reviving the lost art of manliness.  I was hooked, and I’ve been faithfully reading ever since.

I love this site.  I regularly wish the founders would branch off and do something for women, but in all honesty, there’s really no need.  Even though I’m not in their target demographic, I’ve still learned far more about the opposite sex (and gleaned tons of practical information and intelligent advice that’s completely gender-neutral) from the site than any female-specific “lifestyle guide.”

You want relationship advice?

Some sample posts from TAOM: “How to Apologize Like a Man,” “Being the Rock,” “The Road Map to the Perfect First Date,” and “Buying the Perfect Engagement Ring.” Pretty solid, no?

I hopped over to the Cosmo site to see what their latest and greatest relationship advice was (they claim to be the “lifestylist for millions of fun fearless females who want to be the best they can in every area of their lives”).  Well, not only does Cosmo not do relationships (it’s Sex & Love), their current feature articles included the oh-so-invaluable “Get Hit on All The Time,” “What He Tells his Friends About You” and “His 10 Biggest Love Lies.”

I’m pretty sure those are the same headlines every “Women’s Lifestyle Guide” has shoved through the thesaurus feature of Word and recycled for the past three decades.  How insightful.  How empowering, to dive in and waste another 4 minutes of your life reading some inane article attempting to explain what’s going on “inside his head.”  If the women writing those articles can actually explain the inner workings of your partner’s mind (or your mind, male readers)…is that really something to be grateful for?  Yech.

Even the majority of posts under The Art of Manliness’ category “A Man’s Life” apply to men and women alike (case in point: Hustle: The Key to Success). Not only is the site’s content genuinely interesting, well-written and worth the time it takes to read, I adore its aesthetic.  Their interpretation of manliness doesn’t reek of wanna-be Chuck Bass-es on the prowl for their latest conquest.  If, in reading any of these articles, you think “Oh, that sounds like [insert boyfriend's name here]/[something I'd do for a lady]“…kudos to you.

I’d suggest adding The Art of Manliness to your bookmarks (and your significant other’s) pronto.

It’s a rare event when a single book can turn you on to an entire genre that had flown under your radar, especially when you spend as much time perusing Borders as I do.

Stieg Larsson’s The Girl with the Dragon Tattoo is just such a book.  Before I’d even finished it, I downloaded its sequel, The Girl Who Played with Fire, to listen to on the drive to Des Moines. (If you’re a fan of audiobooks, both are worth buying.  The narrator does a wonderful job, and it’s a bonus to hear the correct pronunciation of the names and places in the book).  Since Stieg introduced me to Scandinavian noir, I’ve discovered the understated brilliance of Henning Mankell’s Kurt Wallander series & Karin Fossum’s Inspector Sejer mysteries.

But, getting back to Stieg.

The Girl who Played with Fire is the first of the it’s-so-good-you’ll-stay-up-reading-until-you-fall-asleep-with-the-lights-and-your-glasses-on Millennium trilogy from the author (who passed away shortly after submitting his manuscripts).  It chronicles the strange events that unfold when Mikael Blomkvist, a financial journalist whose professional reputation is in ruins, is solicited by industrial magnate Henrik Vagner to investigate the disappearance of his niece, a case that’s remained unsolved for nearly forty years.  Blomkvist is less than interested in the job, but Vagner makes him an offer he can’t refuse – one that would restore his name to its rightful place.  Salander, who moonlights as a private investigator, comes into the fray after Blomkvist has taken up residence at Vagner’s estate.

As Salander and Blomkvist begin to unravel Vagner’s twisted, at times outright bizarre, family history, Larsson slowly intersperses pieces of Salander’s past that begin to hint at the truly dark nature of her own personal demons.  In spite of her vulnerability, she’s the kind of woman who, when wronged, never fails to respond in kind (though it might be a long time coming).

Salander is one of my favorite female literary protagonists of all time – giving Flavia de Luce (from The Sweetness at the Bottom of the Pie) and Dagny Taggart (of Atlas Shrugged) a run for their money.  Picture Angelina Jolie from Hackers, add more neuroticism, a cutting tongue, and a smattering of control issues, and you have Salander.

Though it takes a while to get into – Larsson spends quite a bit of time giving background information that comes into play much later in the story – once he picks up the pace, you won’t be able to put it down.  I had planned on doing a review of one of the books I’ve completed for 52 in 52 (I read this last fall) but just found out that the book is being released as a movie in March.  And if you’re anything like me, you can’t see the movie for a book THIS good until you’ve read it first.

The third book in the series, The Girl Who Kicked The Hornet’s Nest, is being released in the US on May 25, so those of you who haven’t yet read the first two won’t have to endure the long wait to find out the fates of Salander & Blomkvist.  Or, if you’re particularly impatient, you could always snag a copy that’s been imported from Britain.

Are there any books that have introduced you to a genre you’d never explored before?  Also, if you’re interested in getting in on the 52 in 52 Challenge, let me know!  I’ll start linking to other bloggers who are giving it a go – even if you’re aiming for 12 books in 12 months.

It’s easy to fall into the mentality that if we’re going to take time to read, we should kill two birds with one stone—spend time with books that spell out how to get from “Good to Great” or become “indispensible.”

In this mindset, we lose sight of the fact that sometimes only fiction can illustrate the most important lessons in life in a compelling way that leads us to self-reflection and a greater awareness of who we are.  These conclusions are not suddenly dropped on us like cluster bombs, but develop in the days and weeks after we’ve turned the final page.

At the beginning of January, I set a goal to read 52 books in 52 weeks.  No sweat, right?  After all, in 3^rd Grade I managed to read over 100 books and own the Book It! Challenge in the process (the motivational power a personal pan pizza holds for an 8 year old still amazes me).  While most of my peers were still reading Pee Wee Scouts, I tackled Robin Cook’s Outbreak.  In hindsight, I’m not sure what my teachers thought about my mom’s parenting skills (I mean, who lets a 10-year old read A Time to Kill?) but having had the freedom to read whatever I wanted made me a life-long lover of books.

There was a point in my life where I felt guilty for taking the time to read fiction; that which didn’t directly tie into honing my personal strengths or keeping up with the latest in consumer behavior.  As part of this challenge, I’ve given myself permission to read anything and everything that piques my interest.  There are few things in life I enjoy more than spending an afternoon at Borders, which is where I stumbled across my latest read, The Wind-Up Bird Chronicle by Haruki Murakami.

What The Catcher in the Rye’s Holden Caufield is to adolescents, The Wind-Up Bird Chronicle’s Toru Okada is to twenty-somethings.  In the first chapter, Toru explains:

“I had quit my job at the beginning of April—the law job I had had since graduation.  Not that I quit for any special reason.  I didn’t dislike the work.  It wasn’t thrilling, but the pay was alright and the office atmosphere was friendly…Not that quitting would help me realize any particular hopes or prospects…If I stayed with the firm any longer, I’d be there for the rest of my life.”

His journey to eventual self-actualization continues through a chronicle of stories that run the gamut from suburbia in modern-day Tokyo to a zoo in World War II Japan.  Unlike fiction authors who beat their intended “lesson” into your head with brute force (Ayn Rand, anyone?), Murakami is subtle.  His writing is graceful, at times surreal, and elegantly powerful.

One character, a self-proclaimed “prostitute of the mind” named Creta Kano, explains:

“Whatever the process may have been, the fact remains that at the end of it, I found myself in a whole new container.  And once I had passed through the deep confusion…I sought to accept this new self as something truer—if for no other reason than that I had been enabled to escape my profound numbness, which had been a suffocating prison to me.”

Murakami beautifully leads us to the realization that our most important and profound self-discoveries can come in the most unlikely of places.

The Wind-Up Bird Chronicle has stayed with me since I finished it nearly a week ago, and already I know it’s a book I’ll read again and again.

Are there any works of fiction that have given you a new perspective on where you are in life?